Copies of How to Be a Picturesque Villager will be distributed free to city residents, courtesy of Brewster University. The book was authored by John Collum, former head of personnel at Disney’s famous Epcot Center.
Some helpful tips from the book include:
- Don’t make loud noises after 10 p.m., or before 10 p.m.
- When someone walks in front of your car, apply your brakes quickly, roll down your window and cheerily remark, “Good day to you, guvnah!”
- Long lines are a problem in this theme park (city). So please do not contribute to the problem by using the more popular rides (pizza parlors) during your breaks. They are there for the customers (students).
- Please do not make attempts to express your individuality. Our visitors expect you to be placid and invisible. Think of yourself as a Cheshire Cat – everything but the smile should disappear.
“It was exciting adapting the manual for use in a community,” said Collum. “The workers at Disney only had to keep up the villager act 8-hours-a-day. I admire Brewster citizens for their 24/7 commitment to creating a great environment for Brewster students. In fact, I had some doubts that this was possible. I even suggested to the university that they replace townies with animated dolls. That worked awfully well for us in It’s a Small World.”
Brewster University President Neil Morse acknowledged that the university is investigating deploying animated dolls in the areas immediately surrounding campus. “We think it may be too much of a strain on Brewster residents to frolic picturesquely for the entire academic year,” said Morse. “Investing in animated doll technology is another sign of our commitment to this community.”